Miscarriage And How To Deal With It

My Story

It was in the year 2016 that I suffered a miscarriage. It was a chemical pregnancy (a miscarriage that happens before the fifth week of pregnancy). Usually, in such pregnancies, the embryo gets implanted in the uterus but is unable to thrive. The miscarriage is so sudden that a mother is unable to know about it. Until my ultrasound, I was unaware something wrong had happened. There was no bleeding, no pain and no symptoms of any kind. 

The news broke me, shattered me to the core. But worse was yet to come. 

A devastating word

Miscarriage is a dreaded word when it comes to parenthood.  A woman who is trying to get pregnant never wants to come across this. There is always a hush about it. Miscarriage brings bouts of mental distress, anxiety and depression. The aftermath of a miscarriage is brutal not only physically but mentally as well. Dreams shattered in the blink of an eye. 

My Doctor asked me to go for DC - a surgical process where the remaining tissue gets removed from the uterus post-miscarriage. It added to my woes. I was unable to come to terms. One moment I was dreaming about having a life inside me to be taken away the next moment. 

Post-surgery, the Doctor asked me to wait for two months to conceive again. It proved to be the most nightmarish phase for me.  People were getting pregnant in my family while I was brooding about my loss. The void inside me intensified with each passing day. It is difficult to smile when you are crying inside.

Aftermath of miscarriage

I got desperate to be pregnant again and it made me even more depressed. I started avoiding people. Any social gathering made me anxious. It became difficult to do even the simplest of chores.

Hopes of being pregnant every month and the disappointment it bought was too overbearing for me. I felt something was wrong with me and stopped looking at pictures of babies. I hated when someone talked about pregnancy and anything related to it. 

I changed doctors after doctors and got every test done. Nothing came out wrong. All this and my failed attempts were making me insane.

A ray of hope

Finally, after two years of struggle, I was able to conceive. I went for some basic tests like Vitamin D and sugar. My Vit.D level was too low. I did not know that vitamin D is crucial in getting pregnant. 

Within a month of taking the prescribed medicine, I was able to get pregnant. Those two red lines on the pregnancy testing kit were like a distant dream come true. I was elated beyond words. However, I did not share the news with anyone till I completed three months.

I had a comfortable pregnancy. I gave birth to a lovely daughter in the year 2019. 

Whenever I look back, I see myself struggling for every small thing. How I longed to get pregnant, and my desperate fight with depression. It wasn't easy at all. But I am glad I did not give up. When nothing worked for me, I started preparing myself for adopting a child. God works in mysterious ways. 

God’s blessing

Now my house is filled with the ever-charming laughter of two cute little daughters. I asked for one child and God gave me two. I never imagined I would ever feel so content in my life. Their lovely faces and their endearing smile is what makes me motivated.

Don’t lose hope

Many women go through this trauma. Unfortunately, the support and care they require are not available. People refrain from talking about it openly. They distance themselves from people who are suffering mentally. Some give unsolicited bits of advice that adds to the distress one is going through. The mental solace that one seeks is unavailable from the closest of people. 

The best we can do for someone who is going through this phase is listen to them intently. Ask to seek medical help. Depression fades away with time traces of it lingers on. 

We certainly cannot change the situation. But we can help a person suffering to make them feel at ease. Standing with them in tough times is all that makes a difference in someone's life.

Miscarriage is not a loss of hope. It does break us in more than one way but keeping faith is all it takes. Seek help from the most trusted person you know. Consult a doctor if there is any need. 

Mental health is of utmost importance if you are trying to conceive. Physically, we can overcome many hurdles, it is the mind that is not under our control.

Things that helped me cope

Journals are the way of writing your thoughts. Whenever you are feeling lost, write whatever comes to your mind. Every word that keeps lingering onto you. While writing, you will realize that your brain feels lighter; there is clarity of thoughts. I still read those journals sometimes. They are a silent reminder of my unsung battle with myself and how I came out of it.

This one thing helped me a lot. Every day I used to pick one affirmation and repeat it throughout the day. Else, I used to write it in my notebook. For example, "I am stronger". Constant repetition helps in asserting that you are capable of doing something. Affirmations are available on google.

Any physical activity helps relieve stress. For me, it was yoga. Every morning, I did surya namaskar followed by pranayam. Yoga gives clarity to the mind and makes the body active. 

Last but not least, meditation is something I swear by when it comes to mental stress. Even if you have not tried meditation before, try concentrating on your breath for a few minutes. Thoughts would come and go but let them flow. Meditation helps calm the mind. It brings tranquillity and also helps in disconnecting from any negative thoughts.

If you find it difficult, there are guided meditations on youtube. Just sit in a quiet place and follow the video.

Trying all of the above helped me a lot. But what helped me the most was not losing hope.

Prerna is an entrepreneur. She is MBA with a major in HR and Finance. She is working as a full-time mother to two beautiful kids.  Loves to write about motherhood, mental health and parenthood experiences. Find solace in spirituality, travelling and reading books.
A firm believer in the love of family that makes one grow. 

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Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of The Mom Store.