Control Anger with Kids- 5 Realistic Ways
At times, I feel very guilty of being loud or showing a bit of anger to my toddler at the moment. But what is done is done and you cannot undo it right. As parents, especially if you are a mother, it is expected to be calm and gentle and patient. But we women have so many societal tantrums to handle that our frustrations often burst out in front of the kids.
Kids hardly understand what is going through inside your mind and body, especially a toddler. But they are good listeners and viewers. If you vent out anger, in return they will do the same because they follow and copy you. Parenting in those days was a bit different than today. Yester years parenting is more of scolding, yelling and hitting. Then parents think that these are the best ways to teach discipline and make them obedient.
If I am not wrong sometimes unconsciously our childhood experience reflects when we try to discipline our child. How do you become angry with kids? Simple- you are frustrated already or your kids action makes you instantly frustrated because you are in the middle of some work or relaxing. Without thinking you just yell and lose control over emotions. It happens to me in this manner and I am not hiding it at all. Self-control is a practice and I am sharing some realistic ways to handle your anger so that you do not vent out in front of your child.
I am no expert in anger management nor do I successfully achieve it. It is a learning stage for me and I know many parents also suffer the same. So, let's learn and practice together.
You may have 1000 things to do in a single life. But for your child you are the only person. The moment you say this, it affects their psychology like “Mumma does not listen to me, I am disturbing my father with my desires and talks, nobody loves me.” And as they grow older these thoughts become prominent and they stop sharing their life incidents with you. Later in future- when you ask about their life, your kids will return the same line with interest “Do not bother me, Mom”
If something is really bothering you like family pressure, relationship issues, work pressure, then understand your trigger and practice calmness.
As your kid grows up, he or she already establishes a friends group. Parents who try to be friends cannot become a true friend because you know why? You become “conditional” to the term FRIEND and suddenly your parent instinct takes over that “friend attitude” when you see something bad in your child and you lose your emotions and vent out anger.
Your kids already have many friends. But they want parents at home who they look up to as role model, inspiration. Inculcate friendly and gentle parenting with your kids, share your mistakes, what you learn from mistakes, how you listen to your kids’ problems and give solutions without any passing judgements.
The big mistake that sometimes parents make is to fall into a societal trap and give ears to many unsolicited advice on parenting. Doing such things only end up losing your own self. It is better to believe in your parenting instinct and do what is right for your kid and you.
You must be busy working day and night at home, at the office but it does not distance you and your kid. When they do not get your attention, they show tantrums and it makes you angry and you react instantly with negative emotions. Take time to address their problems, listen to them and try to give solutions and give them the choice to take the solution or find their own solutions to problems.
Do not ever show anger while kids are making trivial mistakes but also ask them not to repeat the mistakes and make it a habit. Sometimes kids lie because they want to avoid the wrath of anger from parents. Teach them that if they are honest to accept their mistakes you will accept their honesty with open hands.
Anger is an emotional outburst like any other emotions. Sit with your kids and explain to them about different emotions that a person goes through inside and sometimes reflect outside. Kids are not only good listeners but your teachings will bring the best in them and make them a confident human being in future.
Click here to know how to provide a consistent nurturing environment to your kids.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of The Mom Store.