4 Reasons You Should Stop Trying To Make Your Child Perfect
Photo by Hamed Taha on Unsplash
Even when a kid is in the mother's womb, a lot of expectations are already being formed around the kid starting from the child being a boy or a girl. In many parts of the World, preference of a boy over a girl is still predominant. After the kid is born, the strive for perfection starts right from the way the baby looks, weighs, responds, wails, poops (yeah, guess what), how quickly the child achieves all the developmental milestones, etc. With a million advice coming for each & every thing, many of which are well intentioned, the parents get pressured to make their kid perfect. The truth is, no one is perfect in the World & no one can become perfect. The question is what can we do as parents to prevent ourselves from being part of the race of Perfection & projecting our own insecurities on our child. Here are some tips that might be helpful:
1. Understand the Why
It is important to know why we strive for perfection. It roots to our biology and back to our hunter gatherer days. Subconsciously we crave for perfection so that we are accepted by our group. Back in the days, it was essential to be accepted by our tribe for us to survive in the harsh Jungle. This has become a deep programming in all of our minds. Today, survival isn't that difficult and we can survive alone. But our programming hasn't changed which keeps driving us for approval from family, society and community. Striving for Perfection is actually striving for Approval. Behind the veil of perfection lies a deep fear of rejection. When we understand the Why, it becomes easier to transform it.
2. Understand the Impact
Striving for perfection creates pressure on the child to always perform, always excel, always be multi-talented, always be the best in whatever you do. This forms limiting beliefs in the child that he or she is not good enough. In this race to be perfect, the child suffers with unrealistic parental expectations & grows up with the feeling of being not good enough. This later transforms into a lot of behavioral & emotional issues as an adult which can impact personal & professional well being of him/her. The child may suffer from low self worth & low self esteem. This is not a very healthy frame of mind to live your Life & may prevent you from achieving your true potential.
3. Formation of Limiting Belief
Limiting Beliefs are any negative voice in your head that demotivates you to take action which can help you Grow. When you raise a child with the expectation to be perfect, it subconsciously forms a Limiting belief that in order to be Loved from Parents, you need to be Perfect. Thus, life long they will keep aiming for perfection. They will never be Happy with what they have or people they are with until they become Perfect. And none or no situation can ever become perfect. Thus they will always live a life of dissatisfaction. Hence, children need to be raised with a belief that they are enough and are loved just as they are. There can be room for improvement in their behavior or talents but that does not lower our Love for them.
4. It's just Noise
People around us affect a lot in the way we think & behave. If they constantly keep on advising on how to raise a proper kid, how much a child should have grown by this age, how much time a parent should spend with the child etc, our job is to take what resonates with us & is useful to us & leave the rest. Never try to appease people as you can never make everyone Happy. Understand they can be well intentioned or they might be suffering from their own low self worth issues which makes them crave for perfection in their own & others' lives. The non-stop noise around us can make us stuck in a hamster wheel where we are running aimlessly & burning out our energies on toxic things. Hence centre your heart & mind on experiences that bring you true joy & become immune to surrounding noise. Doing this will help you enhance your relationship with your child.
Thus, chasing perfection will not only create emotional & behavioral difficulties for your child, but will ruin your beautiful parent child experience. As the kid grows up, he may develop resentment towards you for bugging him/her to be perfect. This may seem a silly thing now but years later, the implications of this can be huge. Comment below on whether you have ever pressured your child to excel in anything. Have you been pressured as a child to be good at everything. How did you deal with the experience? Comment below & Share your Knowledge!
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