The Guilty Mom
Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash
Being a mother is a full-time, all-life job. While you may find balance sooner or later, there will be days when you might even struggle to get through the day. Adding to the challenge are questions of self-doubt that nag and drag mothers– new and old– to guilt. Are you a guilty mom?
While the societal expectations do play some part in this, this post in particular explores the kind of questions that usually stem from the mom-instinct and care for the children.
5 Questions of Self-Doubt that result in Guilt for Moms:
1) Am I being too harsh with my kids?
Life is often harsh. By being a little strict with your kids, you’re teaching them this philosophy in a sugar-coated form. So, take a deep breath. Once this is done, sit with him, use the touch therapy and make him understand why momma did that earlier. He may or may not understand immediately, but it will nurture the child's trust in you.
2) Is my kid getting enough of my attention?
Too much salt ruins the dish. Too much attention can hamper your kid in more ways than you can imagine. Once your kid understands that you are available at his beck and call, it can lead to severe tantrums. Don’t be your kids’ puppet; rather, be his GPS in times of serious need.
3) Why do I scold him/her?
Mothers are gifted with loudspeakers that they often put to use on their little ones’. Once the shouting is done, the guilt slowly creeps in. Kids don’t know much about right and wrong, it’s us who guide them through this phase. Mothers, being the first teachers, have this responsibility, as well as a huge pressure of setting their kids on the right path. So, there should be no guilt. It is also important to patch up with your kid later and for that just a peck on the forehead, pat on their bum or caressing is enough. They will gradually understand that you did it for a reason.
4) Is he/she alright?
Fell, got hurt. Is he okay? None of the other kids are playing with her, how must she be feeling? These questions are also very common to mothers I’m sure. To all those mothers, this is the time when they can fall and get rejected and not get affected by it. This is a learning phase for them. It's best if we could give them a little bit of space to find their own way. Doing so, they are going to be more than fine.
5) Does he/she hate momma?
This question keeps me awake on some nights. It may be hard to believe, but I’ve legit had nightmares about it. Fathers, being the carriers of treats and toys are favorite of most kids. Mothers, on the other hand, are often the strict ones and so, they fear that their kids hate them. This is far from the truth. On such occasions, bring yourself to calmly converse (or even play) with your kid. Once you've sat and talked to your baby, you would know that they love you more than anything in the world.
I guess every mom deals with such questions, irrespective of how old her children are.
Don’t lose heart, things will come around!
Self-doubt and the resultant guilt are just one of the spectrum of confusing phases that moms go through, and that’s normal. Beating oneself up without understanding the root cause can lead to a decline in self-confidence.
This can be very overwhelming at times. Try to find the silver lining and navigate through this phase. Visualizing your motivation and end-goal might help– for me, it's building a stronger bond with my child as well as myself. What's yours?