Taking Care of Mental Health After Miscarriage
'I never imagined even in my dreams that I will come home empty handed from the hospital'
' I was never ready for this utterly catastrophic news..'
These are the two most common thoughts boiling in a Mother's mind, heart and soul when she first comes to know that the piece of her heart will not be felt, seen or heard anymore..
Miscarriage at any point of pregnancy is heart wrenching whatever may be the reason of this irreplaceable loss. It keeps you questioning the existence of God & good karma and it keeps you thinking endlessly about the time you spent with that tiny soul and the dreams you weaved about its grand arrival.
But let's face the fact that WE HAVE TO LIVE WITH IT. And following tips will help you to make this transformation of 'From trauma to triumph' possible.
1. Let's not punish ourselves to normalize it too quickly
Many of us make the biggest mistake of forcing ourselves to behave normally and to forget it too quickly for the sake of our loved ones, elder kids (if we have any) and the family members closely attached with us. And in this forced process of self-normalisation, we do more harm to our wounds because whenever we are all alone, the thoughts-pain and agony takes the charge of our mind even more strongly. Give yourself enough freedom of not attending parties or social gatherings if you don't feel like facing the world yet, not taking calls from relatives if you are not ready to answer their endless questions, and freedom of not listening to long empathetic lectures from those who have never felt this pain. IT’S TOTALLY FINE & sometimes required too.
So, tell yourself that it's okay to mourn, to feel dejected and to not behave like a 'good normal girl'
2. Over analysing can not turn the table
Yes, it's inevitable but also unproductive. After loosing the one who occupied the major part of our thought process, routine activities and space in our heart, we keep on analysing and evaluating every tiny detail about the Whys & Hows of the miscarriage. At one point we become so engrossed in this futile analysis that we cannot see any efforts done by our loved ones to see a smile on our face or the positive side that the future holds.
So, by accepting the fact that overthinking will not take us back to the past, we should try to heal and soothe our tired mind & soul with deep breathing, music, joining a group of like-minded ladies who can boost your or any other kind of good distractions.
3. Let that pain flow in tears, in words or on paper
As the saying goes, “clogged water stinks, let it flow", just like that let your pain-anger-complains-questions flow without any hesitation or guilt. Don't let it get bottled up in your heart for years to eat you up from within like a termite.
Use your pen and paper, let the pain flow in words, let your tears run endlessly, let it all go. Trust me, it will leave you miraculously light and relieved.
4. Seek help, it's not just one nightmare to forget
Yes, it's not like just one nightmare and then you are back to your beautiful reality when you wake up the next morning. It needs to be healed and handled like a wound on delicate skin.
And in this process of self healing, seek help if you need, without delaying. Talk to your mother, sisters, friends and husband without having a fear of being judged. Many times it is advised to take professional help from a counsellor who will know how and when to apply medicine of mindful words on your invisible wounds.
5. Future holds beauty of positive possibilities
Last but not the least, the future has a very strong weapon called 'Possibilities'. Today as a mother you might feel surrounded by the darkest clouds of grief, pain and irreversible loss but one day will come when the sun will shine the brightest with a smile of yours, holding your beautiful future in hand.
So, never lose hope. You are strong enough to face the traumatic truth and you are capable enough to make it through your inspirational journey towards triumph..
Roshni Joshi is a Vadodara, Gujarat based writer, poet, painter and content writer. A part-time admin at a Hospital and a happily full-time mother to 2 kids. She loves to write short poems, blogs and also content for few firms. She also loves to try her hand on designing Social Media creatives for few firms. Art in any form is a core part of interest and passion since childhood for her.
Here, she has shared 5 points to say NO to negative parenting based on her own experiences and
You can reach her on Instagram at roshi_thelight
And on Facebook at Roshni Raghavendra Joshi.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of The Mom Store.