Harms Of Violence In Parenting & How To Avoid It
“Violence??? But I never beat my child”
“I never allow my kids to be physically violent with others.. “
This must be your inner answer after reading this title, isn’t it??
But here I want to spread light on the types of Violence that don't actually get noticed by most of the parents. I.e. non physical violence.
If you have heard about the 8 limbs of ashtanga yoga, then you might be aware of its 1st limb. i.e. 'Yama' ( social discipline) teaches us five basic moral codes and 'Ahimsa' is the first one amongst them.
ahimsa, in the Indian religions of Jainism, Hinduism, and Buddhism, means the ethical principle of not causing harm to other living things.
Yes, which means ANY kind of harm and not just the physical ones. As a parent, we always try to create a harmonious atmosphere at our home where there's no physical violence done to our children or by our children. We do whatever it takes to control our anger so that we do not paint our kid's cheeks pink, we also teach them to be non-violent with their siblings, friends and classmates with loads of moral stories.
But what about the emotional violence?? Have we ever given it a thought ?? Most probably NO, so let's have a quick look at the following types of Violence in mind that we do to our kids knowingly or unknowingly:
1. Judgements :
We as a parent find it so easy to judge every tiny decision, choices and thought of our kids. We proudly say that, “look, I have seen more Diwali than you so I know better".
We judge their choice of friends, career, food, clothes, the way they react-the way they do not react, their questions- their answers, their decision to marry-not to marry and what not..!!
But we shouldn't forget that Having a good reproductive system to produce a baby doesn't give us the title of 'Best Judge'.
Being a judgmental parent will mean knocking at the closed doors in the long run.
We think that this habit of 'criticising' will give us a more respectful place in our kid's eyes but what happens is the reverse. Kids do not get impressed with your oh-so-logical and oh-so -knowledgeable side, they always get fascinated by the acceptance that we give to them no matter how silly-funny-incapable they are.
So next time when they show you the ugly looking fairy that they have painted, just control your temptation to criticise it on a M.F.Hussain level and respect their urge to be accepted the way they are.
3. Irritability :
Why do we get so easily irritated by the tiny creatures that have our own genes.?? Hmm.. point to be noticed!!
Many times, we feel the incurable irritation caused by other issues or by the junior replica of ours themselves.
We love our curiosity but when our kids ask too many questions, we get irritated. We love to get ready nicely, but when our kid takes years to tie that shoe lace, it irritates. We love our freedom but when our kid rebels, questions our parenting style or just refuses our precious suggestion, we furiously get busted.
And due to this irritability many times we behave, say or react in such a mean way that we should not have done or said. This kind of behaviour can harm a child's belief system and confuse them in deciding what kind of behaviour is valid and what is not.
4. Blame/ Resentment :
"As you have performed miserably in exams irrespective of my instructions, do not talk to me for 2 days"
"How can you demand a chocolate from someone??don't we give you enough, oh I felt so ashamed because of you"
"Your little sister has become notorious just because she observes you, when will you behave sensibly?"
Relatable in some or the other manner? Just imagine these things told to us, how negatively our minds would have been affected. Then we can imagine the effect of blame game and resentment on the fragile little hearts.
5. Control & Coercion :
Oh. How much we love that control button in our hand..!! Like we are born just to mould-remould the humans that we have given birth on this earth. They are here because of us, so how can they even dare to cross the lines drawn by us..!!
This love for control freakiness and coercion leads to stubborn upbringing and later on stubborn kids who won't listen to even your good advice when they actually need it the most.
So, loosen the strings parents. We are not bringing up a breed of dogs. Our kids are a totally new-updated and different person than us and we have much other productive work other than just tightening the strings, drawing the limits and punishing them for thinking/going out of those lines.
And lastly, Every child deserves at least one person in their life to whom they can go and find love all the time irrespective of what they did or who they are, so let us try to be that person in their life always and forever.
Roshni Vijay is a Vadodara, Gujarat based freelancer writer-poet-blogger willing to work with people who can respect her creative writing skills. She is a fulltime mother to two wonderful kids. She loves to write short poems, blogs and also content for few firms. She also loves to try her hand on designing Social Media creatives for few firms. Art in any form is a core part of interest and passion since childhood. Unique and creative style of writing with simple easy to understand words, prompt and quick writing, relatability and reliability are few of the strengths that she own.
You can reach to her on insta at roshnivijay11
And on Facebook at Roshni Raghavendra Joshi
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