Art of Detachment
Art of Detachment, Every mother should learn so do I !
Attachment or bonding of mother and baby starts far early before becoming a mother. Or can say this bond starts bonding while checking out the ovulation calendar & when two lines become visible on the UPT kit. Thereafter visible sac, heartbeats, body parts and limbs of fetus, kicking, movement every single mile stone makes this bond and attachment stronger. After the birth of a baby, especially the first 6 months mother and baby two are inseparable. So this process of attachment is so natural & goes with flow & irresistible process.
But a few days ago, I went through a different process and difficult too! The process of DETACHMENT. Being a working woman, I had to go for a few leave formalities at my workplace on the 28th day of my new born baby for 4-6 hours. I can say it was the hardest time I felt in a while. I was shouting at the staff to work quickest. Though I'm a good driver, that day my car ran so roughly on roads.
In the whole process I was thinking only about my baby as if she had fed, slept or kept crying. Although my family was there to take care of my baby, I couldn't find anything to focus on. That whole scene made me realise how cumbersome this Aspect of DETACHMENT is.
Often happens to parents especially with women, they tend to get attached very easily & when it comes to their children, there is no looking back.
So why is this art of healthy detachment as essential as attachment?
- Every person including a baby/kid needs their own space sooner or Just like us!
- Time will change: Your baby outgrows one day & their priority will change. Even I too must have given the same kind of shocks to my mother. For example, when I got admission in MBBS I used to call my mother thrice a day. Then over the years call frequency decreased & now I have my daughter, family & work. So, I hardly call her once a week. This doesn't mean I don't love her or she also has a grandson to look after so vice versa.
- Whatever we're doing, we’re setting an example for our children. So, if you succeed to balance the role of mother & your individual identity, whether it's your hobby, home making or career, then you're preparing your child to do the same & making them learn to have an individual identity to focus on.
- Most importantly, YOU! Before being a mother, you were an individual with a personality & an identity. You have lots of things to focus & to do. No matter what, later your kid is going to be proud of you.
In India, we have conveyed the misconception of detachment. Like mother is sole & prime responsible for child’s everything, she should be available 24*7 & if she fails to do so then she is not an ideal mother. This made us feel guilty.
But, this healthy detachment is necessary initially for mothers & later for child. Every mother loves her child the most, there is no single criteria that can judge her.
“Sudha Murthy”, MD of Infosys group also used to say don’t be mothers who roams 24*7 around kids. Always have something important to do apart from mother’s duty. And yes, she is the one who is known for her interviews on parenting.
New on the pathway of an art of detachment.
Dr. Jahanvi Ram, MBBS graduate & having fellowship degree in CIH practicing in Vadodara, Gujarat. She always gets amazed by other’s motivational side & always ready to learn new things. Whenever gets free time she must be painting, crafting and reading. Being a new mother, she is exploring, loving & learning about this amazing and incredible journey.
Disclaimer: The opinions expressed in this post are the personal views of the author. They do not necessarily reflect the views of The Mom Store.